black holes...

I have researched black holes now for a solid ten minutes now. Well, maybe not solid, but enough to consider myself somewhat of an expert based on what I read on NASA's web pages. When I used to be a lameman on the topic, I thought a black hole was an actual hole. Like a door way to another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and of sound, but of mind. A door way we could dump things through, like prisoners or broken cement. Turns out it is not a doorway at all, but a very solid, very dense and somewhat angry mass.

Water, being a substance that doesn't compress anymore than it already is, seemed like a good thing to pour inside a black hole and expand it. Theoretically expanding the black hole until it popped and got black hole yuck everywhere. However, now that I am an expert on black holes, I know that if I dumped water on a black hole, it would cause an ocean that would never have any waves. It would be perfect and glassy, great for water skiing, but if I flew a ski boat to a black hole, it would sink really fast, the ski boat I mean. Even if it didn't, it would be freaky driving a water ski boat around in the dark. Or maybe it is very bright on a black hole, being that no light escapes. Maybe it is the presence of all light? Now that I am an expert, I know this: Black holes are freaky.

This reminds me of grad school...

I could barely get a word in on Jay there either. He always had his hand up "oh oh, it's a participial phrase with a dangling modifier!"
"Correct, I think.... Thank you for correcting the grammar in the math book again Mr. Rees." So, besides Jay, I guess either no one reads, or no one likes homework...or no one can retype a label from the inside of their pants. Don't think I didn't see you in your office with your pants off, Jay. Or maybe you weren't reading the label that time, it is hard to tell sometimes why you have your pants off in there? Not that it is any of my business, but either way, it's hot.

A product of your environment...

Nature vs Nurture. It's been a big fight for much longer than I was in college. The text books that I read about this in looked old and yellowed. That tells me; people have been fighting about this maybe 20 years before I got into college. That is a long time. If you are one of those people that says, "20 years goes by in the blink of an eye" then try this on for size, "take off your pants and put on this paper robe, the Dr. Will be in to see you in 20 years." Blink of an eye my ass, it is a long time.

In all my time learning about this subject in college, nature vs nurture I mean, they don't have a class on waiting for a long time, I learned that every semester at the Admissions Office and in the parking lot, I never once heard it teamed with being a product of one's environment. Either way, you are either a product of your genetic environment, or a product of your surroundings and upbringing. Whichever side wins, it still means you are a product. We all are.

When I realized a am a product, I felt bad. Not because I am a product...But can you image a product with no visible labeling, no warnings, no ingredients list, no logo, no tag line....Nothing. I am sure some would argue that my face or outward appearance are my label. Nonsense. Nonsense is what I would say to that because it is nonsense, I do have a face and all, but when I look for products in the store, I look at labels, I don't look to see if the product has a face. In fact, that is creepy and whoever is thinking it should shut up. Seriously.

I think it is high time, all of us, as products, developed our own tag lines and logos. I liked the tag line: Cleaner, Stronger, Meaner. For me, but I also like the sound of: It's the Boozefortyest! I need to higher someone to market me. Products don't usually have to come up with this sort of thing on their own. I also need a logo. Something simple, elegant, easily recognizable... I think I am going to get a tattooed warning label that says: "Warning: Likes fire." Although, I am not sure where to put it.

This post has homework. If you read the post, you are obligated to complete the homework. If you don't, I will know, and so will the baby Jesus in the manger. Neither of us want to be let down. Post your new personal tag line, and maybe a link to a logo that you design for yourself. Ready? Go!

Not a Trekkie

Seriously, I am not. I like the shows and have seen almost all of them from oldest to most recently canceled, but I don't have any "collectables" or go to conferences or anything that has to do with the life of a hard core fan...not that there is anything wrong with freakishly hardcore fans, but that is fodder for a different entry. That being said, there is a couple of Star Trek related items that are on my mind lately.

I watched a lot of episodes. LOTS. Never once have I seen a 110 outlet on the wall. Yet they all walk around with digital books and manuals, phasers and Tricorders that never get recharged. This distresses me on many levels.

My cell phone battery dies on a regular basis. My cell phone is a Nextel i-90. Compared to newer cell phones, it isn't sleek or small (although I make it sexy). From Next Gen on, they all wore those little things on their shirts they used to talk to each other. Besides that they are almost never out of range (even when talking to shipmates in orbit) and even though they smack it once and just start talking to whoever they want (I have to scroll through a lengthy phonebook to find who I wanna talk to, which incidentally, makes me want to hit my phone at times) the most vexing part is it never runs out of batteries. Never. Not once have I ever seen one charging. They also don't have battery lights to say when they are dying.

I have seen an episode where Spok accidentally left his Tricorder on and went through a time portal. He and Capt. Kirk later surmise that it was "like the Tricorder ran for weeks" and thank goodness because they used that info to get back to the time they belonged in. Unless that time portal had a Tricorder recharger in it, than I think that is maybe a load of crap. When was the last time anyone said "thank the sweet baby Jesus in the manger, I left my ________ on for weeks!"

Now, conversely, hand held phasers run out of juice from time to time. Usually in a pinch. I don't get how the manufacturers of the Tricorder batteries don't get with the Phaser battery people. Given Star Fleet Academy seems to be a Government deal, all this stuff is probably made by the lowest bidder, which actually explains the failing phaser batteries, but not the longevity of the Tricorder and badge communicator.

Every other episode where someone leaves on a runabout, it crashes into an M class planet with natural characteristics which render communication technology useless. (If I served aboard a Star Fleet ship, and someone said, "Hey, take a runabout and go..." Unless they finished that sentence with "...have fun on the hooker planet." that is the point I say, "Hell no. I quit, I will be in my quarters for the rest of the voyage watching Space TV." However, the Star Fleet crews I have come to know over the years never recognize the inherent dangers in leaving the ship on a runabout. They go, they crash. What is the first thing they start doing? "To boost the communications output of this device, I am hooking my phaser battery to the *technical space mumbo jumbo*..." Seriously, no one ever notices that Tricorders don't crap out, ever. I wish I could get a tricorder battery for my cell phone and Ipod.

I would talk about the holodeck here too, but since I am really focused on battery power at Star Trek devices, I will save the craziness of the Holodeck for another day.

A brand new award.

That's right. I know you're brimming with excitement to see if you won. Believe me, as the person handing out this award, I wish a lot of people could win it. I wish I could roam the streets handing out this new, prestigious award to many people I encounter during the day. However, maybe this award should only be given out yearly, like to someone at the academy awards? Or maybe every business should give out this award to an employee once a year. Here it is, businesses give this new award to an employee. The employee who gets it gets to decide the next recipient and present it the following year at an awards ceremony, perhaps during Christmas time when most companies have a holiday thing anyways. The award you ask? As suggested by The Police in Sincronicty II, "The Humiliating Kick in the Crotch" award. You know if you receive it, you will train like a place kicker for the next year until presentation time. The sacrifice you will go though to hone your kicking leg's muscles into that of a tightly wound berserker robot. The anger you will release while passing on your utter humiliation in the ritual of passing on the reward. Almost like that movie Pay it Forward. I was vying for the Humiliating Kick in the Crotch, but I think Steve from accounting is going to get it this year. Coveted and feared. Non gender specific and publicly humiliating...

I could kick your ass, dog.

We are out to lunch yesterday, and a service dog came into the...well, I would hardly call it a restaurant, let's go with eatery. Anyways, the conversation took a turn, as conversations sometimes do, to talking about the service dog that came in with its owner, and then to dogs in general. I can't really tell you how it went from talking about dogs to this, but my friend, we will just call him "Jay," says he could take a dog in a fight. Like a fight between "Jay" and a dog. Mind you we were not drinking at lunch. No one else at the table really felt they would live through a fight with a dog. "Jay" says he wasn't talking about just anyone, he was talking about himself.

As funny as that all is on its own, to me anyways, I tried to imagine how you would get into a fight with a dog. Are you at a bar, and the dog just keeps staring at you until you confront it? "Hey, dog, quit looking at me!" Or could it be if a dog bumps into you on purpose and spills your beer? Or a dog cuts you off in traffic? I dunno, I guess being that I don't often run from the cops, I don't really fear dog related fisticuffs. But if it ever happens, I will certainly turn to my friend "Jay" for help. He will ruin the dog. Yup, that's right dog, it's go time!