It seems like I haven't published anything here lately, that you know about, so allow me to "freshen up" my content as it were....

This topic has been on my mind for years.  Prolly even more than a decade.  But since it first occurred to me, there has been lots and lots more content created in the star wars universe.  And with all this new content, and new situations, and new droids that do lots of new things, I think I have finally arrived at what has bothered me all these years about the multitude of droids running around the star wars universe.  (Star wars universe, its what we call things these days, it's all in that universe where everything is star wars.  You prolly wont see the Enterprise or the Avengers in star wars because all that stuff lives in other universeseses).

C3PO is a "protocol droid."  As far as I can tell, it means he translates stuff.  So there is some part of him, as a droid, that knows all languages.  So he can hear any language, and translate it into any other language, which is his purpose to exist as a droid.  But besides that he can walk around, frets endlessly about any number of goings on that don't really directly concern him as a droid, somehow he does math/calculations wicked fast...as a machine, he shouldn't experience worry, yet....yet, it seems it is almost all he experiences.  R2D2...I had to google this, I didn't even know after seeing almost everything ever created in the star wars universe...he is an astro-mech.  And I say "he" because I don't think English has a suitable word for an anthropomorphized robot.  "It" doesn't seem fitting, though "she" is obviously just as good as "he" so feel free to decide on whatever gender you think each droid should have since technically, they are genderless.  I think I will leave the "non-binary" droid post to a younger blogger, better versed in the new raft of orientation terms.  As an astro-mech, R2D2's purpose is to repair spaceships and maybe machinery in general.  We sometimes see R2D2 and other astro-mech type droids riding in the back of an x-wing and they do repair things that are within their very limited reach.  Short of that, it is difficult for me to discern any other purpose for an astro-mech droid in an x-wing.  Also, there are so many other ships that don't have a dedicated spot for an astro-mech droid.  So that's weird.  Further, whatever piece of hardware that's in C3PO that knows all languages...well, no one put that into an astro-mech droid.  So, people are expected to listen to all those pops and beeps and whistles and translate them into English, and in a dog fight, X-wing pilots have to do that while trying to shoot down bad guy tie fighters and not get shot down themselves.  Beep beep whistle beep could be disaster where beep whistle beep pop beep could just mean the tank in the back of the x-wing that looks like it holds toothpaste is a little cracked and maybe just have it checked out when we land because I am a 2.5 foot tall droid and I can't reach that tank from my spot.  Or did it mean that tank is on fire and we are gonna die in a minute?  And even more crazy, an astro-mech droid understands English, but somehow can only speak in whistles and clicks, noises pretty much.  Astro-mechs speak in noises.  As different as they are, BB-8 and R2D2 are both astro-mechs.

There was FX-7 and 2-1B, both medical droids.  They walk around, or roll, depending, mostly prolly reattaching limbs because a lot of limbs get cut off in the star wars universe.  Likely a result of light sabers.  If light sabers were real, I would never want one.  No idea what I would cut off on my own body.  I am sure I would also cut in half friends and family, by accident of course, showing them "look, look, I got a light saber!  Look what it will do!!  whoa!!  I am so sorry I didn't mean to cut off your legs on the back swing!"  You know that would happen if light sabers were a real thing.  Srsly.  One day you will accidently drop it.  And that could cause it to turn on and cut off a foot.  You like to think you are more careful than that, but youre not, none of us are.  Anyways, lots of limb reattachments to be sure.

There is IG-88 and IG-11, both bounty hunter droids... They are the exception to this post.  How you ask?  Well, to hunt bounties, or be an assassin, a droid prolly needs a body, so I will come back to these guys maybe.

Obviously, the star wars universe is more advanced than where we live.  I can't just hop into a thing and fly to another planet in another solar system.  I don't have a blaster, and I don't think anyone around here has a machine hand integrated seamlessly into their fleshy body.  

Why....WHY...why isn't the astro-mech capability built into an x-wing?!  R2D2, BB-8 are more or less a walking version of OBD-2 (google it if you don't know) and on-star and a chiltons manual.  Also to be of more use on an x-wing, they need longer arms.  Basic design flaw.

Whatever hardware it is in C3PO that does all that translating should be built into everything.  Why not just put the tech into something the size of an iphone and everyone gets one.  No droid necessary.  So much wasted material in C3PO.  A droid like that doesn't need to walk around, back talk, worry, make unnecessary and often unwelcome small talk, try and figure odds on situations a droid cannot possibly understand, make executive function decisions in human matters....just remove the translating hardware and make that available in all droids.  I really don't wanna hear another pop and whistle when R2/BB could have been speaking English all along, or any other language really.  Uncle Owen initially asked Luke to pick up a protocol droid because it could speak to their farm equipment.  All that money to pick up that loud mouth C3PO when if he would have watched star wars youtube, he prolly could have got directions on removing that bit of C3PO and installing it in R2D2, which why did they even need him again?  Did he need to fix the tractor that C3PO was talking to?  That's when you know you have gone too far with the tech.  Srsly uncle Owen, send Luke into town to get some manuals, or just download them off the innerwebz that you almost HAVE to have in your universe given the rest of the tech.  And really, how much could farm equipment have to say that make a whole entire protocol droid necessary?  OBD2 could have rendered C3PO completely useless where farm equipment and land speeders are concerned.  Uncle Owen could have diagnosed that equipment on his own with just a star wars ipad and a innerwebz connection.

Those med droids, why make them droids?  Why not make a bed or tank or cradle that a person jumps in and it has the ability to reattach a limb?  And why don't those med droids talk, or whistle?  They have so little personality, which is spot on, yet not in keeping with the rest of it.....

IG DROIDS of various double numbers... (I assume there is an IG 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77 & 99.  Cant wait to see them)  It seems like some kind of body must be necessary to hunt bounties or assassinate people.  So, I kinda get their existence.  But the rest of these droids, and others I didn't mention, could likely just be integrated into whatever tech they're supposed to be helping with rather than their own separate thing.  Can you imagine taking your navigation droid on car rides with you and have it whine about how far you have to park from the mall?  And then it comes inside with you and complains that it can't come into the cantina with you for a drink and some smooth space jazz?  And even as their own separate thing, so much less could go into them so they aren't always talking back and worrying and stealing data, making painful small talk and stupid jokes and getting into all kinds of things they shouldn't be in...

In closing, I look forward to star wars realizing most of these droids functions can be integrated into various other tech, or be boiled down to their main single purpose and be manufactured as something other than a droid.  If youre reading, Lucas Films division of Disney, I personally look forward to a star wars with less droids and more tech with imbedded droid functionality.

Interested in a new x-wing?  It now comes equipped with with astro-mech functionality built right in as well, with new imbedded protocol functionality, it speaks the same language you do!  E Chu Ta!!!