Easy Time Travel.

Time travel. The subject of an endless amount of science fiction. I don't know why, but in all the science fiction I could think of regarding time travel, it is a difficult, expensive, somewhat dangerous process. In the movie The Time Machine (I am thinking more specifically of the remake, I watched the original, but I was a kid and don't really remember it) a time machine seems to only need some spinning parts and a few electronics. I don't really remember what made the thing go, but I do remember thinking I could totally build one based on what I saw. I only really remember that time machine going forward though, not back...Perhaps it would have gone back, but back wasn't a desirable destination? Either way, if you wanted to take something or someone with you, it/they would have to be small because the time machine was small. Back to the future had a stylish time machine. The flux capacitor made it possible for fictional characters to travel both into the past and into the future. However, same drawback, small machine and added drawback; very costly. At least I think nuclear waste is costly? I do remember from a report I did in Jr High that nuclear waste is very dangerous. I also know that from watching "Fat Man Little Boy" starring John Cusack. In Star Trek they travel through time in many episodes. They never seem to do it the same way twice. Most notably, Captain Kirk and crew take a Klingon Warbird back in time to abduct a couple of whales. They need em on future Earth. It seems we run out of whales, but whale people from outer space check in on our whales and disrupt everything in the process. Side note, If you were a whale stolen from the past and freed into a future ocean where there were no other whales, and a whale satellite is in orbit asking you about the planet, what good thing are you going to have to say? If it were me I would tell the satellite exactly what happened and hope I could go back to whale planet where it was hopefully more safe, after they have destroyed Earth, of course.

I am working on a time machine myself. It will run off of a long lasting lithium battery. There will be a spot on it for extra batteries with easy battery installation instructions and tools, just in case. Unlike other time machines that I have seen, this will be not be a portal design, nor will it be a vehicle. It will be more like a hat. I put it on top of a car, set the date, turn it on, boom, I am there. Easy as pie. Take the time machine off the roof of the car, throw it in the trunk and I am on my way. Or I could take a motorcycle, or go without a vehicle, or a golf cart, a horse, a tank, a crate of guns, a banquet table... whatever mood hits me really.

I am not going to use my time machine for one time trips or adventures so much as I am going to use it for commuting. I will work in the present, I will very literally live in the past. After work, I will drive my 89 Toyota back to 1990, where I will also live. The money I make now will go allot farther 15 years in the past. Also, my 4runner has almost 190,000 miles on it. Imagine when the dealer sees that I have put that many miles on an 89. They will ask how I have done this in less than 6 months. I will tell them that is none of their bee's wax, it is still under warranty, make repairs so I can be on my way. I will take my ipod too, but not to try and reverse engineer it...I say I am going back in time, not growing a new brain. I will show it off of course, but when pressed I will tell people it is Australian. No one knows what is going on down there anyways.

This is a detail, but my time machine will have nothing to do with a spinning pattern when I travel through time. I will start it, wait a minute, and be there with no fuss. The time machine will not whirr or make any noise other than say "SHAZAMM!" I can't wait to hear Nirvana and Pearl Jam back in regular rotations on the radio.

Daisy Chain

Recently I read in the news a few times about the growing popularity of groupular sexual activity among the high school crowd. Funny, on the surface I am sure you probably think, "why can't I be in high school now?" Well, news flash, you would be just as nerdy now as you were then, and you would be hearing about the phenomenon from the news or my blog even if you were still in high school. Just because it happens doesn't mean you would be involved purely because you are there. Further, I don't believe it is the problem the news makes it out to be. Sure, kids didn't get caught taking part in this sort of activity at school 20 years ago, but it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Reporters do have to try and find new ways of shocking people. Really, you gotta thank the teenage crowd for helping out in that respect. Also, thank the fine state of California, we are always good for a slow news day. However, I digress.

So, my comments on this are really directed more at, of course, the lack of vocabulary to cover these types of stories. I am not even sure if reporters know what daisy chain or circle jerk mean, they just like to pretend that they do. These words rarely adequately describe the kinds of activities that took place. At the same time, I don't know that we need a blow by blow of the entire orgy, so to speak. Media, I know you are all reading my blog, the new word is Polycircusex. I demand credit for smithing that word in your future reports. Just say it came from my blog, that causes everyone to nod like they have a clue. No one wants to admit they don't know what a blog is. I won't even admit I am not sure what a blog is.

I know right off someone is going to say, "Hey, that looks like Circus Sex." Well don't. You're completely unoriginal, we all saw that. However, most of us know that a circus takes place in a round tent around some amount of rings. Most of us get that Polycircusex has to do with the circular theme and not humping midgets and elephants. I haven't made the word up for that yet; it will more than likely have the word "carni" in it somewhere, not circus. Also, most of us all know that a circus was a roundabout in Britain, but has fallen out of common vernacular. Most of us, except the few of you still thinking about getting humped by a clown. Get past it.

The other group of you that are thinking "Polycircusex sounds like it means many circles of sex", yeah we all get that too. Computer programmers aren't the only ones with the capacity for logic. You just think you are. The rest of us aren't stupid, but we are bigger than you and are tired of your condescending attitudes. The word is Polycircusex, get used to it.

To the group of you who read the word and thought quietly of a big orgy in a circus tent, maybe with midgets, maybe not, well, mad props.

Got that media? Polycircusex. The new universal word to cover all circle/group sex type activities. I can't wait to see this blog credited in the news. My hits will rise to tens of tens. If hits were money, I will be a hunredaire.

Words to live by.

Having it in the bag is way different than taking it in the sack.