That is a huge package.

I am pretty sure Costco is worldwide now. I think there is one in every small town in America, kinda like 7-11 and Stucky's. Although usually when I am talking about a store, it is because I have a loathing for them deep down in my soul somewhere. I cannot say that about Costco. I find, when there is something about a store that doesn't make sense it is usually best to come here and mock it. That gets about as much done, if not more, then actually pursuing it. At least mocking it here I feel better and other people who read this might agree with my assessments. There is plenty I don't understand about Costco, like, where do they get all that cool stuff, and how can they afford to pass it along to me so cheap? That I will not mock. I just accept it, lest it change.

So, please good people of Costco, don't take this the wrong way. I merely do not understand this. If you tell me that these crazy packages have to exist so Costco can remain the same, I will quietly accept your crazy answer. I have heard other nonsense in my life that I accepted, and it did not benefit me, so your answer, whatever it is, will be a piece of cake to accept. Like the chocolate ring cakes, or the lemon cooler cakes that you apparently purchase straight from God; no earthly bakery could make cake that tasted quiet so delicious.

Thanks to Bill's super secret bat phone/bubble breaker consol:

These huge packages pictured have nothing in them. Well, they have a piece of paper in them that says what the package is supposed to be. Like "this huge package is full of two movie tickets, give this package to the check out individual and that person will exchange this package and your cash for 2 movie tickets. You're welcome." When you take one of these to the front counter, they take it, give you two movie tickets when you pay, then they put this huge package that you don't even get to open, back on the shelf.

I don't get why there are two crates of these? I am pretty sure that, if everyone in the store wanted one of these in their shopping basket, there would still be a lot left over. I also don't get why these crates full of fake packages aren't just a sign that says, "ask your checker for some movie tickets eh? They are 5$ a piece! Bam!" nor do I understand why a package with nothing in it had to be the size of a dog. If it has to be a package, why not a small one? Not like you have to worry about someone ripping it off, there is nothing in it.

One day I am going to purchase a package of tickets, and I will demand to be allowed to open the package that they should have come in. Or, I will buy a few tickets and claim I need the packages in order to have something to wrap as a gift, just like they needed them to stock their shelves. I can't wait to give everyone packages that should have movie tickets in them, but don't. Happy Birthday, Clerks II wasn't that great!

The Fry's Principle.

I forgot to mention in my previous post the Fry's Principle. It states that every other electronic item you purchase will have to be returned because it doesn't work as expected if it works at all. Honestly, I generally expect new electronics that I purchase to work. Maybe that is my bad?

An open letter to Fry's Electronics

Fry's. Why don't you want my money?

I like Fry's Electronics for one simple reason. It is bursting at the seams with cool stuff. Computer parts, games, TVs, Candy...I am even strangely attracted to all the major appliances. I like to think I have the refrigerator thing covered with the one I keep all my food in. Still, it doesn't hurt to browse them at Fry's. Just in case there is any great break-throughs in refrigeration technology or whatever.

With a store this cool, so giant and so full of fun and awesome things, you would think they would hire people, good people, who will guide me through the miasma of merchandise I don't totally understand to the product I want like a Sherpa would guide me right into downtown Guatemala, or wherever Sherpa so diligently take people.

You would be wrong. A rodeo cowboy would have an easier time roping a berserker steer than roping help in this store. Don't get me wrong, there is help in this joint, or at least people who are ostensibly hired for this purpose...or at least this is my working theory. Perhaps they are hired to talk with each other, and play grab ass? I haven't actually seen a job description, maybe they have a Grab Ass Floor Chief? If this is the case, then that person is doing a magnificent job.

I always enjoy walking by the greeters who never greet me. I know if I ever have a store, I am going to hire two people to stand in the foyer and talk to each other. It just makes sense. I also like the two that stand and talk to each other by the exit. I always hate to interrupt them so they can make that ever so important hot pink mark on my sales receipt. I love when they look at my face as if to say "you are so important, I stopped my conversation for 2 seconds to put a hot pink mark on your receipt", then look back to the person they were talking to as they mark my receipt, never once looking at what I purchased. Someday I am going to sneak in a bag full of kittens just to see if anyone can quit talking long enough to notice that kittens aren't electronics. I like that they put pictures of people at the end of the each aisle who are supposed to tend to said aisle. I can never find those people, but if I ask someone else about an item on that aisle, they feign ignorance, and tell me I will need to find the caretaker of that aisle. I assume they exist. I also assume the ignorance is not feigned.

Fry's, why are you the only store that still hands out paper gift certificates? You are a technology store. You sell the very products that could help you. Why don't you heed your own call? Those roughens down at Home Depot have figured out the plastic gift card. Why do you still insist on paper? It is incomprehensible...and vexing.

I don't mean to impugn all Fry's employees everywhere. I did experience a solid, quality employee once. I would like to contact that good Fry's employee, and tell him to build an ark. Make it 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high. Make a window in the ark, and gather 2 of all the electronics in the store aboard the ark. Then, I am going to close the door of the ark myself, and it will rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I don't know much about electronics humping each other to reproduce, but I am sure after the rains stop, this will all work itself out.