Applewood

Often when I am listening to the radio, I hear ads for Applewood smoked stuff. Usually it is applewood smoked bacon at many different eateries and fine establishments. When I think about it, it sounds kinda good, Applewood. Who wouldn't want something smoked in applewood? In cartoons, roasted pigs always have an apple in their mouths. I don't know when apple and ham started going together, but it sounds awesome. Kinda. Hard to make bacon sound unappealing really....

Why applewood though? Why not a tree that has a really particular smell, something I know I would taste. Like eucalyptus, or pine, or oleander? Why applewood? Apple's grow in orchards, not like a lot of apple trees are just hanging around waiting to be cut and set on fire. Maybe applewood smoked bacon is an exotic delicacy? Bacon fit for a king, not readily available to mere mortals? Or maybe, as it turns out, apple tree have to be heavily cut back yearly and there is tons of apple wood sitting around everywhere. So much they can't even turn it all into particle board. So, they burn a lot of it and some ranch hand decided to start using it to smoke his afternoon bacon snack because they couldn't get rid of it fast enough...

Next time you go to a restaurant and order bacon, or some bacon heavy treat like apply pie, and you are presented with "Applewood Smoked Bacon" tell them no thanks. You want bacon smoked in something expensive and awesome. Tell them you want plywood smoked bacon. When did plywood get so expensive anyways? Palm trees might be difficult to catch on fire, tell the waiter or waitress you want palmwood smoke bacon, or you need to talk to a manager.

Applewood smoked bacon. What a crock. No more bacon smoked over applewood for me. They can shove that bacon right up their applewoods. I want macadamia smoked bacon, or nothing at all. I insist. Don't fall for the hype. Join the revolution! No more applewood!