Movies are pricey

I don't often go to movies. Why you might ask? Well, the reasons are various and complex. However, topping the list; I generally don't have the collateral it takes to get a loan so I can afford movie tickets. I am hoping you caught my wry, subtle sarcasm. I don't really take a loan for movie tickets, they are pricey, but that is crazy talk. I get my movie tickets the same way as everyone else. I perform degrading sexual favors for the big movie theater managers. Don't pretend you don't do it too...

Back in the olden days, I worked in a movie theater. It was a go nowhere job, but I enjoyed parts of it. Namely seeing every single movie that came through my theater as well as any other theater in driving distance for free. That was the redeeming part of that particular job. That and all the free candy I constantly found on the floor. Booyaaaaah, free candy baby!

These olden days I speak of really weren't that long ago, all things considered. The theater I worked in cost 5.50 for adult admission. I remember thinking, way back then, that the price to get in wasn't outrageous, but the price for food once you got in was outrageous. Entering a movie theater was like landing on a fancy island where you can only eat the local cuisine, and since it is a fancy island, well, the local grub is pretty freaking pricey. Being fancy and all. Expect for it isn't an island, and there was a Vons around the corner that sold the same snack food for "reasonable" prices. (I say "reasonable" because I accept the prices as marked. Some companies might mark their candy up 10,000% and I don't know it. If I did, I would have another entry in my blog about the astronomical margins on candy sales. But I don't know if that is true or not, and frankly I don't want to know, I like candy, I want to buy it. Don't ruin it for me. Sometimes ignorance is necessary.)

Since that time, ticket prices have gone up. Alot. I don't want to tell you what I paid for the last movie I saw. It is embarrassing. I really wanted to see the new crew on Star Trek though, so I did it. I have committed a number of sins in my life, but paying for that ticket felt like one of the sinniest sins. Once inside the theater, the first thing I see is a trailer how I should not pirate movies. I just shoveled out money to see a movie, and I am being told not to steal them. I have news. Big important news for the people trying to catch movie pirates. I already paid to see this steamer... Why would I go download it? Look somewhere else for the pirates. Like on a boat with a plank.

Their little trailer compares stealing a handbag or a car to stealing a movie. If you look at it from the stand point of doing wrong, stealing something big is just as bad as stealing something tiny. Like a Lego or a diamond. If you look at it from the stand point of getting punished for piracy, they should just list the possible sentencing along with the odds of being caught. If they wanted to show the reality of the matter, it would be a trailer that showed hollywood execs sneaking tons of money out of people's pockets while they are standing in line, and then it should show them laughing about it. Also, they should call some entertainment news show and brag about how much money they just snatched from you. If there is any piracy taking place, that is it.

Downloading movies is theft. Charging $12.00 a ticket is avarice. Both are bad. If you believe that two wrongs don't make a right, then you hate Robinhood. Why would you hate Robinhood? He stole from the rich, and gave the poor people boot leg movies. He was a good guy, wait, what?

From now on, movie theaters should charge you to get out. After all, movies are an experience type product, like eating out. Do I order my food, and then pay for it prior to eating it? No, I do not. And fast food isn't eating out, don't be disgusting. If I finish my meal, and I am not happy with how it all went down, I speak with a manager. I don't pay full price. In these situations, I get comped. Sometimes the whole meal. Sometimes my next meal at that restaurant is free as well. Movies need to be the same way. If I sit all the way through Transformers 2 (which I do not recommend you do. In fact, if Micheal Bay had anything to do with it, I recommend you set it on fire and hit it with Bibles) I should get to talk to the manager. Transformers 2 should not get to brag record ticket sales when everyone left the movie feeling like it was a crumby piece of crap. And I am not just picking on that crumby piece of crap, I am picking on all the crumby pieces of crap that slide out the megaplex bunghole of hollywood. When GI Joe is over, I am calling the manager and letting that person know that the movie I just saw was not as good as it appeared on the menu. In fact, it was awful. If you continue to serve it here, you will make people sick. I would like my money back, and I am considering never watching another movie in this theater again! How do I know they aren't all as bad as this one was. (I am pretending, BTW. I would never pay full admission to see GI Joe. What I hoped would be awesome I am pretty sure is the steamiest pile of turd out this summer. Magnificent.)

From now on I think I will down load all my movies. If they are good, I will send hollywood a little cash in the mail. A reasonable amount, like with the candy.