Cellphones & the justice system.

What a mixed bag. I have a cell phone. I kinda like it. I don't use it often, but I like the option. Mine also has a camera. I like to think I am going to get a picture of the truly remarkable things I see everyday, but unless I either have it poised and ready, or a girl decides to flash me longer than normal, I don't get too many pics with my phone cam. However, this is just to say, I don't hate technology, and I don't hate cell phones.

Cell phone use is out of control. Do I mean that too many people are using them? No, I don't. I mean that too many people are using them poorly. If you don't agree with me, then you are part of the problem.

For those of you who agree and are not part of the problem, killing someone for poor cell phone use should be legal. By poor use I mean poor manners. While I hate loud cell conversations in movie theaters and restaurants, or people walking around completely oblivious to their surroundings, the worst are people driving while talking. I don't really notice those of you wearing headsets driving poorly, it is invariably the person trying to drive, talk and manage a handset. Whichever kind of quadtard it is, either the walking kind or the driving kind, certain updates need to be made to our judicial system in order to handle these types of cases.

Before you do away with the cell phone offender you must select 12 people who agree with you that who you want to do is fine. These 12 people will come to court with you, after the fact, when you are charged with murder. They are your preselected jury. The court will then proceed to select its own jury. The prosecution will make its case, then defense will make its case. The Juries will deliberate. Both juries will deliberate separately. When decisions are reached, both juries will come and read their verdicts. If your preselected jury doesn't agree with the court appointed jury, then under the Lester clause*, the juries will enter a battle royale', hand to hand combat, in which the verdict will be decided by which jury is still standing at the end. So, pick your jury wisely.

Really, this accomplishes 2 separate goals. One, I am pretty sure it would cut back on frivolous cell use. When you know that anyone who already has a standing jury ready to go can legally cap you for making a left against the light because you're were too busy discussing which outfit you should get your dog for Halloween, you might think twice. Or, you might be chaff what needs separating from the wheat. Either way really is fine with me. The second, awesome, collateral goal accomplished under this new law, personal fitness. Tomorrow you could get a summons to jury duty. That means inside the month, you could be fighting an elite fighting force that hates frivolous cell phone use with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. I would like to think that the threat of a fight to the finish would find out society slimming down the fat, bulking up the muscle, and becoming somewhat easier on the eye in the process. Eat and drink and tomorrow you will die. Lift and train, and you might live to see another day!

*There's no exact wording of the "Lester clause", just her bog. Shallon thought up the fighting part, which is a great idea, so I am siting my source.

When I am dictator...

Really, a lot will change. Blowjob Fridays, Drunk Naked Day (National Holiday), the speed limit thing... seriously, lots will change. However, a not so obvious change that needs to be made is to our national fighting forces. Do I have a problem with our troops? Hell no, what do I look like, a terrorist? A Nazi? A hippie? No, no and no. But we do need to straighten some things out, as well as add a branch to our war machine.

Currently, our super elite flying crew belongs to the navy. The Navy, ya know, the ones with the boats? The Air force flies around bombers and drones, but the f-18s and what all, yeah, those guys are sailors. What? That's right, sailors. Like Popeye. The Marines ride around in other peoples stuff and hop out when it is time to fight. So Marines jump out of planes. Why wouldn't they, they are Marines. I will tell you why, they have the word Marine right in the title. They should jump out of boats. The Air Force should fly stuff, all the flying stuff should belong to the Air Force. The only reason Air Force guys should be on a boat is because we don't have the technology to make a flying aircraft carrier...yet. *note to self, get DARPA started on flying aircraft carrier* oh yeah and...*note to self, run time travel machine notes by guys at DARPA, see what they think* Dictators can get help with personal, pet projects. I would do it myself, but I am busy being dictator. And, getting help from secret, shady Government agencies is just one of the many benefits of being dictator.

Now, with who does what all straightened out, Navy drive boats, Marines ride in boats and get dropped off here and there for fighting purposes. Air force gets all the flying stuff. Army drives everything on the ground, tanks, jeeps and what not... There has to be a new force that fly around in Air force stuff getting dropped off to fight. But what to call them? Stormtroopers sounds good, but both the Nazi's and Darth Vader already used that name. Skydudes doesn't really sound elite enough. Skyguard sounds kinda cool, but they won't guard the sky, they will rain like fire and ants down to earth and destroy whatever's in their paths. Stormnados. "The infantry will be reinforced by Marines traveling north from beachhead Charlie. Stormnados, dropped in the cover of night 2 clicks south of Tango sector, will be reinforcing the flank." Stormnados, part storm, part tornado, part commando, all elite. The scourge of the sky, our enemies will call them.
*note to self, have DARPA start experimenting on flying Stormnados, like superman, but without the cape and tights, and with huge guns....Also, have them look into self cooking pancakes. Pancakes are delicious*