A statue

So far, my life has been mostly unremarkable as far as being in the public eye goes. As far as being in the private eye, that has been extremely remarkable, but because it is private, cannot be remarked on. Yes, I know, it is a shame. I am not dead yet, and no one ever knows what the future might hold for them. So, it is possible I could lead a resistance, or a movement, I could lead a country, or I could take over Texas, and then France, any of those things could make me famous. I might even father a country, that sounds enjoyable.

If such events take place in my future, there could end up being a statue erected in my honor. "erected in my honor" is a good phrase, I am glad I just coined it.

I don't know how statue makers go about making a statue, especially of someone who is already passed on to the great beyond. I have not had to register any measurements anywhere in the event that after I am dead, a statue of me is erected. So, how does anyone decide what I looked like? My fear is some statue maker would get pictures of me from who only knows, and that is how they would form the statue. Seriously statue guy, my high school year book pics, off limits.

As many, or the 3 or 4 of you that read this, of you know, I work out. Maybe not everyday, but enough to be hard. Plus I come from the streets. But while my abs are hard enough to reflect bullets, I have to add a little extra to keep at my fighting weight. All this to say, I look good, but not like the thinker, or atlas, or that really huge guy at my gym that sings really loud with his headphones on, but no one will tell him because he is that huge and scowls all the time.

So, 2008 is going to be the year of the statue. Or, The Year of the Statue. I am going to shed pounds, and drop under my fighting weight. It is important to be thin and trim, even if only for a short time, in order to have a lot of pictures taken of me for the statue that may or may not be erected in my honor. I have to look good as a statue, I don't want to be immortalized as portly, or thick. I think I might even mark the pictures as "in case of statue" or something.

At the foot of the possible future statue I hope it either says simply "Erected in my honor." or, "There is a fine line between glib and jocular." Obscure, perhaps. But true, the line between being jocular and glib is thin... Thin and dangerous.

When I am dictator...

Really, a lot will change. Blowjob Fridays, Drunk Naked Day (National Holiday), the speed limit thing... seriously, lots will change. However, a not so obvious change that needs to be made is to our national fighting forces. Do I have a problem with our troops? Hell no, what do I look like, a terrorist? A Nazi? A hippie? No, no and no. But we do need to straighten some things out, as well as add a branch to our war machine.

Currently, our super elite flying crew belongs to the navy. The Navy, ya know, the ones with the boats? The Air force flies around bombers and drones, but the f-18s and what all, yeah, those guys are sailors. What? That's right, sailors. Like Popeye. The Marines ride around in other peoples stuff and hop out when it is time to fight. So Marines jump out of planes. Why wouldn't they, they are Marines. I will tell you why, they have the word Marine right in the title. They should jump out of boats. The Air Force should fly stuff, all the flying stuff should belong to the Air Force. The only reason Air Force guys should be on a boat is because we don't have the technology to make a flying aircraft carrier...yet. *note to self, get DARPA started on flying aircraft carrier* oh yeah and...*note to self, run time travel machine notes by guys at DARPA, see what they think* Dictators can get help with personal, pet projects. I would do it myself, but I am busy being dictator. And, getting help from secret, shady Government agencies is just one of the many benefits of being dictator.

Now, with who does what all straightened out, Navy drive boats, Marines ride in boats and get dropped off here and there for fighting purposes. Air force gets all the flying stuff. Army drives everything on the ground, tanks, jeeps and what not... There has to be a new force that fly around in Air force stuff getting dropped off to fight. But what to call them? Stormtroopers sounds good, but both the Nazi's and Darth Vader already used that name. Skydudes doesn't really sound elite enough. Skyguard sounds kinda cool, but they won't guard the sky, they will rain like fire and ants down to earth and destroy whatever's in their paths. Stormnados. "The infantry will be reinforced by Marines traveling north from beachhead Charlie. Stormnados, dropped in the cover of night 2 clicks south of Tango sector, will be reinforcing the flank." Stormnados, part storm, part tornado, part commando, all elite. The scourge of the sky, our enemies will call them.
*note to self, have DARPA start experimenting on flying Stormnados, like superman, but without the cape and tights, and with huge guns....Also, have them look into self cooking pancakes. Pancakes are delicious*