Shout at the..wait a second...

So, recently I was in a store or eatery, I forget which, and I heard The Crue come on in the the background. The Crew. The hair metal band from the 80s. The ones that 20 years ago my parents were swearing was devil music. That Crew. Background music at like Chilli's... I could stop this post right here and I am sure leave you all with a weird feeling. Walking away from your computers thinking.. "The Crew, background music? What is the world coming to...?" Chaos my friends, chaos.

The song was shout at the devil. I listened to this song a lot of times in high school. It somehow never struck me as odd then. I don't know what was wrong with me back then? Listening to it now, I realized I didn't understand most of the words. Pretty sure I never did. I did understand the "Shout, shout shout at the devil!" part though. I am sure that's what appealed to most of us, as youths at the time, was shouting at the devil.

I got to thinking about it though. Shouting what? What would I shout at the devil if I had the chance? I couldn't really think of anything I would shout at the devil if I saw him, so I turned to the Crue. They wrote the song, for sure they had something they wanted to shout at the devil. Turns out they really kinda didn't.

Typically when I shout at someone, I shout something, like "Hey, screw you hippy!" Hippys then know to turn around and look at me. They say to themselves, 'I am a hippy, and he just yelled screw you to me. If I wasn't such a hippy, I would do something about this.' Then they go back to thinking about Woodstock and weed and ten speed bicycles and vw vans. Who would just shout something like "ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!" I could see looking the devil in the eye and shouting some nondescript thing like that. The devil would probably look at me, then look behind him for other people or minions, then look back at me and motion 'are you shouting at me, or someone/something behind me??' Kinda give me a whatever shrug too. Chhhh, devil, you know I was shouting at you, don't pretend I wasn't.

So, now is my chance. I realize that if I ever have to shout at the devil, I should be like Neil Armstrong and have something awesome to say before the moment arrives. I would hate to see the devil and shout something totally lame. "Hey Devil, Hell called and they said...chhh, nevermind Devil, that was so stupid" The devil would agree that it was stupid and probably do something horrible to me because, well, he's the devil and all. If I ever see the devil, I will probably just shout "you suck!" Nondescript, he gets that a lot I bet. When shouting at the devil, I really don't think I want to score points for originality. I already work at a state college for a chud. I don't need the devil on my back too.

Shout at the Guy Right Behind the Devil would be a pretty good song too, I am sure. Once I start my band, I am gonna write that. Maybe. As soon as I write the song "Protein Donut" because really, who wouldn't want to hear about that. Oh yeah, and Dirtbird. That is going number one with a bullet.

The New Etiquette

When I was a little kid, I used to get yelled at all the time for things like chewing with my mouth open, not opening the door for a lady, leaving the toilet seat up... whats weird is I never got in trouble for getting my dad's gun, loading it, and the ejecting round after round onto the floor. How am I still alive? Who knows, I don't. But my point is, I got yelled at for things that were a matter of etiquette. Most people don't yell at you for things that are safty concerns. I think most people think those things will take care of themselves.

Clearly, etiquette is the glue that holds society together. Without it, we would all turn, almost instantly, into rabid zombies, running around inturupting other people who are already talking, talking loud on our cell phones in public places, chewing with our mouths open, using the fork at the top of the plate for the salad, taking cuts into lines ahead of other people, burping and farting in resteraunts and writing super long sentences with questionable punctuation. However, with the huge importance of etiquette, I don't hear parents telling their children how to handle unwanted friend requests on mybook... We are destined to become rabid zombies, without a doubt. Sorry Jez.

In the future, if it continues to suit me, I might make some etiquette type lists to help you all with the new found layer of socialization on the interwebz. For now, however, I am going to tackle the subject most pressing to me. Unwanted friend request on Spaceface and Mybook. I have made some decisions and now I will tout these as etiquette And actually, once everyone starts doing what I do, it will be etiquette, so that all sort of works out.

A friend is a favored companion or one attached to another by affection or esteem. Or someone named Bill. Thanks m-w.com. So, when someone sends you a friend request, ask yourself, "do I favor this person?" Does it matter that they are a digital friend? Nope. Does it matter that this person works where you do, but you have never even been introduced? Nope. What if this is someone from your past who might have thought of you as a friend, but you kinda never really liked that much? Nope.

Turns out, when you turn someone down who asked to be your friend, it doesn't actually tell them you did it. Which is too bad. At first, I ignored people i didn't know or didn't like who asked to be friends. I figured I would continue to ignore them forever, if possible. But why? They asked to be my friend, yet they have never even talked to me in real life? They are the asshole for asking, not me for turning them down. Can someone I never met before be a favored companion? Not without talking to me first, so the answer is no. And quit being so creepy. Facespace should tell this person they have been turned down, and it should tell them to reconsider their ideas on friendship too. People you don't know aren't going to consider you with favor. They just aren't. And if you ask for this type of favor in real life, you are weird. Welp, same in myface. If you ask there, you are weird too.

Really, this would be a better networking site if it didn't treat everyone as a friend. I wish I had a "friends" list as well as a, "Yes, I think I do remember you" list. That I remember you is not at all the same as "I like you right now, you are a friend of mine, or you were such a great friend in the past, I still want you to be my friend." The "Yes, I am pretty sure I remember you list" is awesome because the title doesn't infer friendship, it only states that I do remember you, maybe there should be an "I recognize you, I think" list too.

With my friends list, I have made some life decisions. I am not afraid to tell you to your face the things I say in Spacebook. Etiquette. It's what seperates us from zombies. Tell your kids, if someone you don't know askes to be your friend in Facebook, what are you going to do? If they say anything other than, punch them in the mouth and then run to a police officer, then you should really think about teaching your children the ways of society. If you don't have kids? Same as if you do, these are just words to live by.

Coming soon, "Posting on someone's wall is like giving them a tattoo. Make it unique and rad, or die in a tank of sharks."