My Humps.

Has everyone heard this song? Currently, you can see the video here: My Humps. This post isn't a statement of the nature of the song, I am sure after watching the video, or even hearing the song, it is clear that the Black Eyed Peas are masterful artists at the very top of their craft. The two dudes in the video that don't even say anything are maybe the best, but I am already straying from the point I want to make.

When I heard this song, I felt old. And not because watching the video made me wonder what is the matter with today's youth. There are parts of the song I just don't understand... I don't understand why you would ask someone "what you gona do with all that ass inside those jeans?" All that ass sounds like "Hey fatty, bring your big fatty ass over here, I mean if you aren't busy with it." All that ass. All of it. The whole entire monstrosity you have in those jeans, what are you gona do wif it? Maybe take it for a run on the treadmill? (incidentally, this isn't my take on Fergie's ass, which I find remarkable. To clarify, I find her ass remarkable. It is worth remarking over, which I have now done to prove it. I don't know whose ass the guy is talking about, even though he is looking at hers? Very confusing.)

"What you gona do wif all that breasts, all that breasts inside that shirt?" Honestly, this isn't even English. However, it is art, so I will give some leeway and pretend 'all that breasts' is acceptable English. This isn't as confusing, women seem to want bigger breasts judging only by how many women seem to be getting implants. But all that breasts? All of it. I dunno, why not at least say "them". It sounds like he is wanting to make sure that, if he has the opportunity to do anything with her breasts, he wants to make sure she doesn't forget part of them somewhere. "Oh all that breasts? I only bought some of that breasts inside my shirt. I wish you would have said you wanted all that breasts louder honey."

The part I am thoroughly confused over, and I am pretty sure I am not the only one... "Mix your milk with my cocopuff, milky milky cocopuff..." What? Seriously? This is a delicate topic, so I will try not to be vulgar. If he would have said his milk and her cocopuffs, case closed. That makes sense, surprisingly. If he would have said "mix some milk wit some cocopuffs," that leaves it open to something sexual or something breakfasty. Being that he is a black man, I can understand where he might have a couple of cocopuffs. But the rest of the song doesn't seem to be about a lactating fetish, so that interpretation seems totally out of context. Apart from that, I am not sure I wanna know where the milk is coming from to mix with his cocopuffs? Which leaves me hanging, is there some awesome thing they know about and I don't? Would I want to have milk mixed with my cocopuffs if I knew how to go about it? Do I even have cocopuffs? Maybe I would want milk mixed with my Kix or Frankenberries? Or maybe I don't want that at all? Maybe I want nothing to do with any milk getting mixed with anything of mine?

The whole thing is vexing. I am vexed.