Say you're sorry.

I don't purposely go around driving like an ass, well, mostly I don't do it on purpose, there is the occasional sidewalk that needs running over, but for the most part, I try not to endanger people in other cars. Pedestrians don't count. In fact, if you are walking across a street and too cool to pay attention to what might be coming at you, then you deserve to be removed from the food chain. That is evolution in action. I really enjoy the faces cool people make when they finally have to look at oncoming traffic to make sure they aren't going to die. They suddenly realize that, although trying to be cool and walk slow and not look at the giant truck about to rend them asunder, they are maybe about to die, and have to check and see if they should leap. It is a great moment on every pedestrian's face, but I digress.

I feel bad when I, say, change lanes without seeing a car behind me. Said car is almost run off the road. When the driver gets even with me, invariably I look over and try to gesture that I am very sorry for my actions, I didn't see his tiny Ford Focus back there. I try to signal with my hands that I will for sure look more closely next time and endeavor to do better in the future. As you probably well know, there is no set and agreed on hand signal for this. There is, however, a set and agreed on signal that the angry driver issues me. Everyone, I am sure, has at one time seen the hand motion for "fuck you" which is an obvious choice in this case for the driver of the Focus. Meanwhile, I am doing what looks like interpretive dance trying to signal all my aforementioned feelings of sorrow over my actions. I am sure to the driver of the Focus, my shrugging shoulders don't indicate sorrow, as intended, but indicate that I don't care I almost ran em off the road. Focus driver can't hear that I am saying how sorry I am for what just happened, most people don't lip read. But when angry, most people interpret the offending party to say something like, "well maybe you should watch where you're driving, Jackass"

Here is the new plan. When you do something in traffic by accident that causes someone else to be angry, don't shrug or talk, hold out the back of your hand, fingers extended and pointing down. That is the Quietus Oppugn method for singling that you are sorry for a mistake. One day I will post an explanation for Quietus Oppugn, but until than, just take my word for it. You will look very sorry...and dangerous.