Manifestos

So, I gave it some time, but it is still on my mind. Nothing funny about the most recent manifesto in the news. In fact, that sort of thing sucks. Nobody should have to get shot ever, except a short list of people I keep pinned to the wall in my closet by that alter I made with pictures of everyone on the list, but with the eyes poked out of the picture so they look like how I see them when I am sleeping, or when I hear voices talking about the people on the list and they tell me to picture those people...For whatever reason, they don't have eyes when I picture them. Weird huh? I think so too. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, writing a manifesto.

The Virginia Tech gunman was an English major. If the entire manifesto ever got published, I didn't see it. But what I did read of it, it was embarrassing...let's just say that I am considering finishing out my PhD in order to offer a manifesto writing class.

Read the Unabomber manifesto. I take that back, don't. I've read shorter books. A manifesto should be pointed. There might be a lot of good ideas in the Unabomber manifesto, but I wouldn't know, it didn't come with a table of contents or pictures or Cliff's notes. And I am sure as hell not gonna read the whole thing to find out if it has a happy ending when I can't even tell for sure what it's going to be about. There isn't even a cover with a picture. The part of it I read was very well written, but it didn't have a hook. Nothing exciting enough to keep me reading. 5 pages or less ought to do it. The shorter the better, keep it concise. If your manifesto has to outline a New World Order in great detail, then go ahead and write it all out, then write a synopsis. Keep the manifesto synopsis to a page or less about your New World Order, and don't be disappointed, I mean anymore than you already were that you felt the need to write a manifesto, when the synopsis is all people read.

The Virginia Tech manifesto was only 5 pages, and what's better is it was a multimedia manifesto. At least that is what Brian Williams called it 37 times a minute. Props for using pictures, although the picture with the hammer, really? If your manifesto has you going out in a blaze of glory, do your best not to look completely lame. Also, avoid the use of "they" and "them". Stop and think while writing your manifesto, "they who?" The voices? The Government? The Jews? Aliens? Gay people? Christians? The terrorists? Your roommates? Who is making you commit atrocities? If you tell us all you had to do these things, whatever terrible thing you plan to do, tell us all why it isn't your fault. What terrible wrongs you are righting, who is driving you, who is forcing your hand. Statements are more powerful when we are all clear on who is the tyrant and why you, the manifesto writer, are a victim. Don't get me wrong, I am sure anyone out there working on a manifesto right now is a victim. I am sure there is a tyrant, or tyrants. Not doubting your claims, just helping you make them more boldly.

I feel like I have given away too much of my course work already. It'll be hard to get you all in class for a full semester, and even more difficult to buy the manifesto writing textbook I have in the works, if I give away too much right now. At least this has you working on writing your manifesto more clearly and concisely and hopefully has you leaving out any lame pictures. I hope to see you all in class soon. And if you have time in your schedule, take my other course on interwebs chatting.

Oh yeah, I meant to tell you all, I am sure the FBI won't be keeping close tabs on everyone who registered for the class. Especially those who registered and then didn't show. Nothing to worry about here at all.