Catch and Release...

I am not much of a fisherman, nor am I much of a hunter. I imagine I could be. I am pretty sure I could bring down wild game armed only with a shiv and not just a will, but the will to survive. I picture myself sometimes, out in the middle of the wilderness, hiding in an ally, or wherever you hide in the wilderness, waiting to surprise a large animal with a bullet to the brain. It seems like fun. I would like to see the animal's surprised look. Who expects to get shot? No one, that's who. Surprise bear! I have an assault riffle.

Some people would have you believe that hunting is not fun. That it is in fact cruel. It seems odd to me that someone can't find the joy in killing some unsuspecting wild animal... Each kill should be considered a celebration of giant brains and opposable thumbs mixed into one delicious, deadly species that would otherwise be a soft, tasty treat in the food chain. But, far be it from me to be insensitive to those I don't understand, like straight people.

Some fisherman have a catch and release policy, which is not a bad idea. Although, when a fish is caught, a super sharp hook just gets yanked back out of there stomachs. I know a guy who I call "Jay" that I suspect does that hook thing for fun. But shooting an animal in the heart with an arrow that is all razor sharp with three prongs that twist like a corkscrew..well, that is more difficult to yank out of the animal before sending it on its way. I think catch and release hunters ought to hunt with a vet along. Really it is win win. The hunter gets the pure, wholesome elation of mortally wounding an animal wondering the wilderness. The vet gets to practice emergency procedures in a real life setting.

Say I am a catch and release hunter, and while ambling along, I see a bear. Of course I am going to take my 9mm and put 4 or 5 rounds somewhere around his neck because seriously, where the hell would you shoot a bear? Yeah everyone!!! I got him! Did you see the look on his face?!?! Surprise bear! Then, phase 2! The vet immediately rushes in with the bear med kit. Really, I don't know where it goes from there, but hopefully, without getting mauled, the vet will stitch the bear up and nurse it back to health. That way it will live for another day, when I can shoot it again.