Alcohol and man love.

As mentioned in a previous post, I like the lemony beer. Often people remark that drinking it is less manly. Personally, I am ok with this. I know if I break the lemony beer bottle on the closest hard surface, the jagged glass I am left with will be every bit as sharp as with a normal bottle of beer. And, as it slices the person mocking me, I know it will come as a big shock that they are standing in a river of their own blood and sorrow caused by my so called "froofy drink" bottle. Tell the surgeon you were cut with the bottle from a froofy drink, I mean when/if your voicebox heals up.

The less than manly thing due to the contents of the bottle aside, I sorta don't get the name. Mike's Hard. I used to like Doc Otis, but I guess they went out of business, ground under by Mike's Hard. It is a great product, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy it. But Mike' s Hard? How did that make it off the drawing board? Don't you people have a committee that says "Mike's Hard might imply something other than hard lemonade." Mike's hard what? Personally, I am very secure in my sexuality, whatever it might happen to be today, but I feel a little ripped off by this. Maybe even a little cheap. "Yeah, hand a me Mike's Hard." It sounds very straight, just like two straight guys having hawt man on man secks. Just a couple of dudes doing what comes naturally when they are alone and naked with a stick of butter and some candles. None of that gay stuff of course, just very very straight man on man secks. Not that there is anything wrong with the gay stuff, it just isn't for totally straight guys...totally straight guys who are totally into other totally straight guys.

Along these same lines is another of my favorites. Captain Morgan. Got a little Captain in you? Do I have a little captain in me? No, I don't, but I bet the Captain has a Mike's Hard in him. Makes me feel like these two power house booze related icons get together one weekends. Mike's Hard has a little Captain in him and the Captain is having one Mike's Hard after another.
I should bottle a drink. I will take whatever fluid is left over from Mike's Hard and the Captain's weekend trysts and bottle it. "Manbutter" will be the name of the drink. My tag line might be, "Manbutter, drink it in the closet." Or maybe something more like: "Manbutter, ya know, for straight guys who like to hang around and party with other straight guys." Or "Manbutter, let your buddy spill this all over your face!"

I wonder what Mike's last name is? Why couldn't they just go with Smith's or Walker's. Leave the "hard" out altogether. We get that it has alcohol in it, that's why we find it with all the other beers and have to show ID to buy it. Or conversely, put it in a pink bottle with Hello Kitty on it and market it as real lemony for ladies and guys who wish they were. And Captain Morgan, you're a freaking Pirate. Change your tag line to "lets pillage for booty!" Or "The Captain says: Aye Matey, lets sack the ..." nevermind. They should replace Captain Morgan with a ninja who doesn't say anything at all, but quietly assinates you in the middle of the night. Ninja Rum! Die in your sleep! I would drink that for sure.