Lazy Susan

Yesterday on my way to work, I drove passed almost all the car dealers in the metropolis I call home. In the very first car dealer I drove by, was a car on some kind of lift, about 2 stories in the air, spinning around slowly. It was just like the gillion other cars for sale in that same lot. A spinning car, big whoop. Write about something funny, jackass. I am sure that is what you're saying to yourself, but I kinda am, so shut up and listen.

Does a spinning car make you want to buy a car more than one that is not spinning? Prolly not. Mad props to them, they got a car up where I could see it slightly better. Did I think about that car all the way to work? Not the way they intended I am sure. It didn't make me feel I wanted a new car, it made me feel like I wanted to break someone's nose. A spinning car on a lift is where it starts. Late night commercials with Cal Worthington and his crazy "dog" (which is actually a monkey or an elephant or a freaking tiger or who knows what else) is where it goes next. And from there it explodes. Clothing that is nothing more than an ad for the company that made it, oh, and it will cost me 20 bucks to wear it. Night and day calls to my home to inform me of great deals I can get on things I never even wanted. Some lady told me on the phone the other night that I needed double pain windows. I need them. She is so insensitive that she didn't even believe me when I told her I live in an old circus tent. Bitch. Peter North emailed me the other day to tell me my penis is too small and he has just the thing to make it bigger. Like he knows anything about my penis. I am comfortable with my size, anything else would be completely unwieldy. Anyways, how did putting me down and then offering to help become good advertising? It is everywhere and I am tired of it.

Here is what I suggest: Lets all ignore advertising. Confound market researchers by buying crazy stuff, and a lot of it, for a short time, and then move on to something else. First, lets make a run on peanut butter. And for no reason. Don't anyone buy anymore cars for any reason. When the peanut butter is all gone, rubberbands it is. Once they have over produced them and stores are teaming with huge bags of rubberbands, we will all stop. I can't wait to see the commercials, billboards, magazine ads and spam once companies realize we want crazy, nonsense kinda stuff.