Pharmacists count slow & hate people

Recently I was prescribed a few drugs for various health type issues I am having along with some procedures I had done. What is going wrong? Well, that is none of you're freaking business, but what I can tell you is it all caused me to spend a little time in a pharmacy.

On of my prescriptions was for 2 pills. 2. Like, 1 and then 2. For that I had to pay 5 bucks. For whatever reason, I want a pill that costs me 2.50 to be the size of half a sangwhich. It feels like a rip off when it is normal pill size. I don't care if it is 5mg of what I need and half a pound of baking soda to make the giant pill. Just make it bigger so I don't feel so ripped off.

The crazy part though, is dropping a prescription for 2 pills off at the pharmacy and the guy behind the counter says, "we can get this for you in 25 to 30 minutes." What? 25 minutes?! you have to count to 2! Although being told I have to wait 30 minutes for someone to count to two is completely unbelievable to me, I just go along with it like it is normal. That's what makes everyone think I am normal, I think. When really, inside, I am kind of a mess.

I am not good with math, or numbers in general really, but I think I could work in a pharmacy. I can count really fast. And really, I don't see that they do much else. The next prescription I dropped off the following day was for 30 tablets. This also took 30 minutes. They probably counted out one pill every minute. If I worked there, I would be a superstar for being able to count out 30 pills in about a minute, maybe 2 minutes to make sure i get the pills in a bottle.

I would understand if pills were the size of tires. If they were huge, they would require a warehouse. But pills are tiny. Maybe I would revolutionize the industry by organizing the pills. Maybe now it takes so long because they are in no specific order behind the counter? Maybe now all the pills are in a big barrel and the pharmacist has to dig through the barrel to find just the right ones? Maybe most of the wait is while they find the pills you need because they are hidden around the office like easter eggs? Who can say, the whole thing is so completely weird to me, but I pretend it all makes sense.

Once they have counted out the pills, a pharmacist wants to come over and tell you what each thing does and how to use it. "Now, these here are for your weeping anal fissures, just take one every 4 to 6 hours until the bottle is gone and that should really take the constant burning sensation off of your anus. These pills are for the rash you have...is this rash between your legs and in your arm pits? Well, take two of these a day with food and it will clear up all the redness and itching." Too bad they don't just give you a pill that doesn't make you feel shame and embarrassment from having all that explained very publicly. I like the look on the pharmacist face when I decline the explanation. They give me a piece of paper that details more than what they are about to tell me. Oh yeah, and my Dr just went over all this crap privately. They look almost hurt that they don't get to shout out what all is wrong with you for the world to hear. Only pill I will ever let a pharmacist explain to me out loud is if I ever get something prescribed because I have an inhumanly large erection and the pill is going to make it mortal sized for a couple of hours. Or maybe one that would calm my raging libido for a temporary amount of time. I really can't think of any other pills I would want explained so publicly to me.

Sometimes, I think the pharmacist might even be scared, I don't know why they don't ever decline. "This one will help you not throw up suddenly when you least expect it and this one will help calm your nearly uncontrollable rage disorder." Maybe that is an explanation they give while covered in a trash bag and standing 15 feet away while throwing your pills to you.

Pills are cool. And while I don't like being sick or hurt, I am always amazed a tiny tiny pill can do to someone my size. Pharmacists would be way cooler if they just learned to count faster.